Monday evening and all seems so well in my world. I am afflicted like most of my generation I think, with this constant fear of the other shoe…We were the first generation to truly understand the threat of annihilation, it might have been cute to see all those pictures in the World Book Encyclopedia year book and Life magazine of kids cowering as directed under desks in the late 50s. By the time we were in school we had realized the futility of any such action and stopped the drills.

No more hiding under seats…why? Because it’s fucking ridiculous that’s why…why make the kids crawl around and get their jeans and blue chinos all scuffed in the knees when the likelihood that it would do any good was slim to none.

If they drop the bomb then we are all going to die, except of course the few who built bomb shelters, oh we make fun of them now, and truth be told the combined power of all those bombs going off at once is as likely to crack the globe like an egg as not, so there’s an even chance that even those were a exercise in fu-fucking-tility…

So where do I go from here…Oh! I started this by talking about what a seemingly, (there I go again), good time this is in my life…

This crowd of mine… always waiting for the other shoe…

Fuck the other shoe, fuckabuncha shoes…

Another week begins and they all have promise. This is spring and truly so now since the weather has finally warmed...and, I hope, my heart will soon. I have felt a distant leaden presence, not quite foreboding, more like that feeling you get when you think you might throw up but you don't really feel all that bad. There are few things that make me happy in the news these days, everything I hear and see makes me start to think of ways to move my family out of harms way...

The problem with having a large extended family is that the issues around somehow protecting them all from harm multiply geometrically...can I convince them to move to some part of the country least likely to get hit? Would they agree to go? Does such a place even exist?

I gravitate towards the far northeast these days. Maine, the Canadian Maritimes...cold but clear.

I don't have much to say today, but for some reason feel the need to update this page.

We never should have gone to war in Iraq, am I saying something that is obvious, preaching to the converted. I don't care...

The worst part is that some poor ignorant sons and daughters of bitches will take the current turns of events over there as some kind of opportunity to justify what has been done.

Like succeeding at something wrong is somehow a justification for doing it in the first place.

It's the same kind of thinking and rationalization that created the cult of the anti-hero...now there's a concept:

Make hero's of people who do bad or anti social things because they look so cool when they act like that...nothing succeeds like success...so Michael Milken should be a hero because he successfully robbed a million people...I'd have traded a couple of years in minimum security for 3 or 4 billion 1980 something dollars...

So this is starting to sound bitter...so screw it, let's end this small tirade and start again tomorrow. One thing that staying alive for a few extra years has let me understand is that you can always start over again, it is never too late while there is life and if you have hope...

I do.

Good luck is the coincidence of opportunity and preparedness...

I’m not sure where exactly to begin, so I’ll start in the middle and work my way out, top, bottom, left and right and to all points of the compass rose.

More to come...